Categories
mental health

Freedom

About 10 years ago I understood something was going on with me, I didn’t understand what was it and for many years I tried to ignore it, put it in the back of my mind, denying that existed.

About 5 years ago I learned that what I was going through was called anxiety and panic attacks, that they were controlling my body and my mind, even then I tried to ignore it, put it in the back of my mind, denying it existed.

About a year ago my mental health spiraled drastically, I lost control of my body and my mind, I couldn’t function properly, my days were based on counting the amount of panic attacks per day and crying during my anxiety crisis, even then I tried to ignore it, put it in the back of my mind, denying it existed.

Two months ago I felt like I was losing the battle, I couldn’t do it alone anymore, I seek help, I started therapy, I stopped to ignore it, stopped to put it in the back of my mind and accepted it existed.

I accepted my mind was weak in that moment but with help and persistence everything would get better, I started to write, I started a blog where I share my journey.

A few weeks ago I learned I could stopped being the victim and become the helper , I decided my situation was not a curse, it was an opportunity to grow, I decided to use the tools that have helped me in order to help others, start a new journey, tell my story.

Today I am not afraid of talking about my mental health or tell my story, I’m not afraid about what my family will think because I know they love me more than anything, I am not afraid of what people will think of my videos because I just want to help those who need it.

All of this I do it for me, for the little girl who started to fear, for the teenager who hid, for the adult who seek help.

Categories
mental health

I started online therapy – AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE

One of the best decisions I have ever made.

Categories
mental health

Always look for the helpers

I remember the first time I heard this quote from Mr.Rogers, it’s struck me right away, there is always somebody that can help you.

For the last months I’ve been meeting new people, talking with new friends and creating new connections, all of this thanks to opening up regarding my mental health

I realized not only that there was a lot of people going through the same than me but also that I could help many the same way I was being helped.

So after each therapy session I write down what I learned , new exercises, new tips and when somebody close to me needs then the most I give it to them.

I’ve become in someone that helps others going though the same than me of even worst situations, I am using what used to affect me in benefit to others

My anxiety is no longer my curse, is my base for teaching and helping others.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not “cured” , I still have it in me, still fight my mind everyday, but I can go to bed knowing I helped somebody that needed me like once I needed help too.

So, if you’re going through something hard, look at it as a possibility to learn and teach others about it, don’t look at it as a curse or punishment , you might have inside of you the answer that many have been looking for a long time

Become the helper.

Art: Amanda Oleander
Categories
mental health

Late at night

Is weird seeing all the people complain about not being able to sleeps since quarantine started

They can’t get some rest, they try to close their eyes but their mind keep making their thoughts get the best of them

They feel tired but they are also too scared to go to sleep, fear is consuming them during the day, anxiety at night

I’ve been there, every night , right now.

I am here for you if you need to talk, I am here for you to tell you “ you’re going to be alright “

My body might be used to this, I know yours is not, so don’t worry, don’t fear, I am here, we got this.

Categories
mental health

MY JOURNEY

I’m not gonna lie, I am scared but… What can go wrong?

If you have read my recent post, you know I was determined to get out of my mind and follow my dreams, blogging was a first step but not the last one. I wanted to enjoy life doing what I love, I wanted to be happy and not just battle with my existence every day.

So I went for a new goal, a new journey, a new begining.

I wanted to be able to help as many people as posible, the same way that therapy has helped me. I wanted to let people know they were okay even when they thought they were not, to reach people’s souls and heal people’s minds.

That’s why I decided to joing a plataform that can be sometimes really hurtful but also really helpful, So, if you want to know a little bit more about my journey, my life and my days:

like, follow, share

Categories
mental health

One of those days

Today was one of those days, those really bad days

My mind was stronger, my body weaker, I lost myself between my tears trying to hold back what it was left from me, I was shaking and I couldn’t breath, I was sweating and feeling nauseous, that was my entire day

I cried multiple times out of desperation, out of fear and not being able to get it together

I reached out to my loved ones, I reached out to my therapist, we did some exercises and my anxiety went down a little bit, but I still feel it inside of me, it wants to come out but I won’t let her do it.

I will have good rest and sleep through the night or at least I will have to try it.

Categories
mental health

Keeping your mind busy

The past days have been hard, all we see in the news are tragedies, the world is going into dark times and we can’t do anything about it, or at least thats what we think.

To deny the situation that we are living right now would be a big mistake, nature is giving back what we did to her for many years and it seems likes the good days are far from here. Every day we get a higher number of deaths from the virus, another plague, another eartquake, another tragedy.

It has been a long time since I went to bed calmly and not thinking about how the world is coming to an end, I was waking up scared thinking about what would be the new event, how many deaths would be today, how anxius would I be today.

But I realized time keeps moving even if I decide to sit and wait for everything to calm down, time won’t wait, life won’t wait.

I decided I needed to start living my life and reaching for my dreams before it was too late, as we can tell by the last days, you never know when is too late.

So I’ve been keeping myself busy, creating and working in new proyects, new activities and new goals, I want to keep my mind away of all the negativity that affects my days, I want to spend my days enjoying life instead of couting how many panic attacks I have per day.

I know days have been hard and darkness can be consuming you, but remember, it will be okay and we will be okay, find positivity in your surrenders, enjoy the spring that is starting, the baby animals that are being born, the flowers that are blooming, of course avoid the awful pollen.

We might be living hard times, but we can always get a bit of sunshine If we look for it.

Art: Amanda Oleander
Categories
mental health

I hope you are well

I was having a panic attack, I stood up and practiced grounding exercises, I was breathing, inhale-hold-exhale – and then I received a message from my therapist:

“I hope you are well. I hope you are safe. I hope you are finding ways to stay sane and grounded. I hope you’re reading the news and staying informed. I hope you’re not reading the news too much. I hope you’re going outside to see the spring unfold (while being aware of social distancing and wellness). I hope you’re staying connected to your body. I hope, amidst the pain, confusion, and despair, that you’re feeling awake and alive “

I am safe, I am sane , I am grounded, I am informed, I am enjoying spring unfolding, I am connecting with my body and amid the pain, confusion and despair:

I am awake and I am alive

Art: Amanda Oleander
Categories
mental health

Go for it.

I was talking with my therapist about life, about my fears and my goals, she asked me about my life purpose and I had a quick pause.

I went back to my childhood when I used to dream I would be a famous singer, perform in stadiums and have a famous life. Growing up my voice changed and with that singer girl wasn’t there anymore, even when I like to pretend is still there in the shower.

But I always wanted to do something big with my life, wanted to leave a mark, do be someone that people would remember and they would know my name. I told my therapist I wanted to do so many things but I haven’t done many of them, maybe for fear of rejection or lack of determination.

Then I realized, I’m so scared of dying that I am not even living… I want to start doing all I ever dreamed in my life, I like to think the Blog was a good start, I’m also not afraid anymore of posting silly videos on the internet and I’m finally making the decision of doing something I’ve been wanted for so long, I’ll let you know how that goes.

My point with all of this is, live life, make your dreams come true, do what you have always wanted to do, YOU HAVE TO! if you have a goal, pursue it, if you have a dream, reach it! I’m starting to go after mines, I hope you go after yours.

Categories
mental health

You peace

Find your peace, find your comfort zone, find whatever makes you happy and gets your head out of the bad place.

I recently started volunteering, I am walking my dogs, I’m going outside more often because I know that If I don’t do it for myself, I will never be able to get pass this.

We are prisoners of our own mind but I like to think we have the Keys to get out , we just have to learn how to used them.

I hope you can find your peace, I hope you decide to do something that makes you happy, I hope today is a better day than yesterday and tomorrow will be even better, but don’t rush it, we are still on today.