I haven’t been feeling good since Sunday, these week seems darker than the last ones, my anxiety is stronger and my fears more present, I have been really busy at work but I feel like I am being to slow, not being able to complete everything I have to do, letting my mind lose control and navigate through the day in my darkest thoughts.
I feel like a panic attack is forming inside of me, I am scared in any moment I will busted out crying, I will wake up screaming, I will start shaking, I will stop breathing.
It is like a snowball was building little by little inside of you, you know its there, you know it getting stronger and you can only hope when it shows up won’t hurt too much.
So, I reached out to my therapist and she asked me if I have taken time to cry…. The question seems weird, who takes time to cry. but she continues telling me the importance of having a crying session, of choosing a moment if needed to cry and let go what is hurting me in the inside. And then I realized, all these days I’ve been fighting the tears and fighting the pain, every time I feel like I’m going to start crying because I am scared I fight it, I stopped myself from doing it, and maybe I am clocking myself in the inside, I am holding more pain that what I should
Maybe I need to drain, I need to clean my soul from the anxiety that has torment me since the last time I cried. I just don’t want to go back to that day, the last day I cried after a panic attack, I cried at least 4 times in a day, I scratched my neck and my arms, my head hurt, my body was weak, maybe I am just avoiding to cry because I don’t want to go back to that day… but also maybe, that day was necessary and helpful, a good cry as many would call it.
Do you have crying sessions? Do you think crying is necessary? I am scared but I am also tired, I feel like my body is filling up with feelings and soon or later I will have to take out everything that is not useful.
Who know, maybe a good cry is all I really need.